Why nerds are unpopular
I read an interesting article this evening written by Paul Graham. It is entitled "Why Nerds are Unpopular".
Basically, the author addresses high-school and how various subcultures arise during the teen-aged years, particularly in the United States. He examines the probable causes and details how interactions take place. It is a long piece, but definitely worth reading.
Just reading the bit about kids persecuting each other…
…and it kind of reminds me of the aphorism "It’s not enough to succeed. Others must fail." (either Gore Vidal or V.I. Lenin, I’ve seen both credited).Thought provoking article though.
It Starts Much Earlier
Having taught Kindergarten and first grade in a largely upper -middle class suburban elementary school for 7 years, I can tell you the problems start much earlier than junior high. In Kindergarten most of the children are accepting of everyone IF the teacher spends a lot of time focusing on socialization. (You wouldn’t believe how many five year olds are already elitists based on their clothing and whether Mommy drives a mini-van or Lexus SUV.) By first grade the lines are being drawn, and by second grade it is easy to tell who is going to be popular for the rest of their academic career and who is not. Of course, being smart is a huge advantage in elementary school, as everyone’s "best" work is usually posted in the classroom and hallways for all to see. But just being smart doesn’t earn you the badge of popularity. You must also look good, wear the right clothing, have access to the latest music and accessories and have your birthday parties in the right (expensive) places. Who controls whether the child has all of these so-called advantages? The parents, of course. Just as the author of the article points out, it is the family who has the greatest impact on the developing child. The child will value what the parents value – and lots of times it’s all about the money and your social standing. Look at the parents, and you will see why the child is the way he is, for the most part. We can blame schools all we want, but it isn’t going to change the plight of our children one bit.
The newest buzz words in schools these days are "character education" and "building a sense of community". Let me tell you, unless that is also being done in the home, I don’t see it helping one bit. Yes, it will cut down on some of the overt teasing and bullying, but it is the subtle rejection and exclusion that cuts children to the core. The only real difference a teacher can make is to convice the child that he is genuinely valued and loved by someone in the school environment. My fifth grade teacher did that for me, and I will never forget it. I teach and stay in teaching because of him.
We will never cure the ills of the school social structure by sending e-mails through cyberspace. Maybe part of the problem is that many of the people who really care about these issues and can relate to these kids are not in the classrooms or running the school boards, but are sitting at their computers lamenting about their days as tortured nerds. I can tell you that far and away the best and most beloved teachers I’ve ever met were rejected by most of their peers when they were in school. In some cases, they are still easily identifiable as nerds and they are the happiest people God ever put on this earth. Unfortunately, there aren’t many of them. It’s much safer to stay behind a computer chit-chatting with others who accept and identify with us. It’s very risky to actually get out there, roll up your sleeves and face the demon. When I started teaching, all the uncertainty, fear and pain of my childhood days as a "reject" (I wasn’t smart enough to be classified as a nerd) came full circle as I looked into the eyes of my first students and realized that I had been given the gift of understanding. If any of you nerds out there are up for a career change, let me suggest teaching the little people. For one child, you may not make A difference, you may make ALL the difference.